| yeah yeah Im good to go. |
[Jan. 21st, 2007|10:21 pm] |
Danny Lade picked me up from Walkden, it was fun being in his car listening to Wigan Pier.
I smelled like a wet sandwich and my hair looked almost as bad as Sonny Moores.
I really can't be bothered typing.
I had a lurk through my own livejournal the other day and found really weird comments from lurkers and haters.
God, all I do is bitch and whine. Is it really such a big deal?!
Sure, there's a link to this on my myspace now, but take one look at me.
Do I look like I'm going to write nice and dull entries of the highlights of my day? I write about shit and I talk shit.
Love it or leave it.
evening.
love. |
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| I'm not your friend. |
[Jan. 19th, 2007|08:41 pm] |
I'm not your lover.
I'm not your family.
Yeah.
I dont even talk to Cieta anymore, I don't know if I want to just yet.
I guess I do miss her, but hey.
But for some reason I really want to stand with her for a song at Brand New. It won't happen, but I think she's the only person along with Beff, maybe, who appreciates them as much as me.
And Brand New is everything. I think I'm in love with them.
Through highschool and college I still scroll down on the same ipod to Brand New and play all.
I can't see that changing for a long time.
Chris, Vicci and Steph, I'm sure will have a sing a long to old Brand New, but when it's TDAGARIM, I reckon I'll be alone in the crowd singing till my lungs burn.
I can't fucking wait. |
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| January 18th 2006. Doomsday. |
[Jan. 19th, 2007|06:55 pm] |
"The bill for damage caused by Britain's strongest storms in 17 years may run to hundreds of millions of pounds."
Oh sorry government and insurance companies! Youre going to have to fork out so much damn money to replace all the materialistic crap youre "friend" Mother Nature destroyed yesterday.
Quit destroying your lives, country and planet, if you want chance of a quick change. Oops, its too late.
The O-zone layer is virtually gone, the seas are rising, weather is becoming more ferocious. There is a storm raging as we speak and when it hits, the world is going to end.
Last night I decided to witness this so called "chaos" that was happenening in the lovely city of Manchester.
It looked like a fucking scene from New York on September 11th.
Every single road from Salford right through to Rusholme was jam packed, gridlock traffic.
Trains were cancelled, buses refused to go out, taxis tried to stay away from the city centre.
I was sat on the bus in one spot for 2 hours. 2 hours, for a journey that usually takes 3minutes.
This is the biggest warning sign, the biggest wake up call you could ask for Mr Labour party!
Quit pissing and moaning that our world is getting destroyed because of our actions.
It already is destroyed and its not going to get better.
We rely too much on technology, electrical resourses and not man power.
This is what it has come to.
A ship in the channel sunk, flights were cancelled, everything stopped.
People were panicking and fleeing from the city centre as if the plague had just hit it.
Wake up. Wake up. You are going to die. |
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| the devil and god are raging inside Edgar Allen Poe. |
[Jan. 18th, 2007|06:25 pm] |
I met Kat, we watched "Its a Boy/Girl thing", we had photos taken, we met Steph, we then went to sit in View.
View is a nice bar, kylie was playing, the J20's were a'flowing and it was just nice.
when all of a sudden I heard a strange crackly voice from above, "surely this cant be shivvoney?" I thought to myself.
When I looked up and it was none other than the psychotic black woman/man who twatted the shit out of an innocent blonde lady outside of baa bar the other week.
SHIT.
The following series of events arent in chronological order, I tried, but I was just too damn traumatised. The bold quotes are those of the psycho.
"Aww shit Steph its that psycho from the other week"
"HIYA, GIMME A CIGGY"
"HIII. NICE TO MEET YOU GUYS, I'M EDGAR ALLEN POE"
"I CRUCIFIED MYSELF"
"MY MOTHER DIED, SHE DIED OF A TUMOUR IN THE BRAINNN"
"I LOVE SKINNY KNEES, SKINNY GUYS, SKINNY GIRLS, I LOVE THEM"
"woahh, Ive got a girlfriend"
-I put my arm around steph-
"yeah were going out..*shifty eyes*"
Edgar the woman grabs stephs knees really hard, really fucking hard.
Puts her hands towards her crotch and later grabs her boob.
She went to touch Stephs folder and steph kept saying no, then Edgar just lunged on her and started strangling her.
I was like " get off her man, just leave it, get off her"
Steph grabbed the cig from her hand because she was trying to burn her face
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME ILL FUCKING KILL YOU, ILL KILL YOU."
Traumatised for life. |
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| Guilty Pleasures. |
[Jan. 14th, 2007|12:07 am] |
I wish I had the nerve to tell you I'm a wreck.
I'm such a subtle flirt, I let people walk all over me and I try so hard to charm people but when the tables turn I run from it like its the plague.
I love hit the lights and Im glad its sunday tomorrow, last shift of the week, therefore monday! therefore possible completion of college work, therefore Im closer to smiling and my heart racing and my tongue getting really tied.
Eughhhhhhhh.
CRUSH OF THE YEAR 07. |
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| Space Cadet |
[Jan. 10th, 2007|12:10 pm] |
PULL OUT.
So I'm the same old rut with a new view on things. I dont want to become a recluse and make sleeping and crying my new passion.
I'm in love but its all under control. I'm not running from it and I'm not blocking it out.
Crushes balance it all out, my thoughts are consumed by you lets say, 89% of the day but its ok. Because then I come back down to earth, I come back from wherever my head goes and realise that logic is more powerful than love this time.
I love our long distance calls.
I love the fact you probably dont understand a word I say on the phone, but its alright, my voice is enough. Your voice is enough.
I have a Media lesson in 30 minutes but I'm not going, I want to go and see Vicci because I can honestly say, I do really like her.
She talks sense, she may be 20 and lives a completely different life to me, but she does talk sense and I enjoy being around her.
I'll get the train to Cheadle Hulme later and have her come pick me up.
So my fate's been sealed! And I reckon Im going to carry on like I normally would but Im not going to purposefully dwell on you. The idea of you.
Anyway.
3 Uni Offers, Liverpool offer but I havent done the portfolio which was due in for monday.
Im 4 hours into my half sleeve. I love it.
I still work Weekends and hate it but love it.
Im still single, loving the girls I cant have.
Still falling in love with every girl who shows me the least bit of attention.
I dont think Ill be changing for a long time.
Love. xo |
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| Sat in media with a sore arm. |
[Jan. 9th, 2007|11:05 am] |
I have 2 friends who live pretty far from me, the other side of the Atlantic to be exact.
I spent a couple of hundred quid on going to spend 8/9 days with them, my plan was divide my time between them and just have a proper fun time.
Theyre both pretty ace, very different, but good to talk to and hang out with ( so I thought, from summer and all)
But this time was different, Id gone all that way and we spent what, 1 day together? 1 and a half days together?
Not once could you just spend a block amount of time with me, youd always have to call, or her boyfriend would always call. Unlike the other friend she didnt seem to explain to her boyfriend that I was coming a hell of a long way just to see her.
He stayed 2 nights, he was on the phone 89.7% of the time. The one day we did spend together was one of the best days ever. Nice.
You forgave me for what? Being a cunt? Being pissed of that Id come all that way to spend a few days with you, when all I really got was pushed out.
I dont want to dwell on this anymore or tell tales to anyone else about my "holiday" in North Carolina.
I had amazing times, and I had shit times.
Whats been done has been done, whats been said has been said.
Sack it.
Ive been conditionally accepted at 3 uni's now. London Met, Sunderland and Swansea, Swansea want an interview but I have an English Language exam on the day.
Liverpool Uni's portfolio was due yesterday. I havent even started it.
Im not having the crash course in driving lessons, Im buying a laptop and some more flights to cross the shitting Atlantic.
X |
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| I'll never get anything right. |
[Jan. 8th, 2007|08:52 pm] |
What a depressing subject I have there! Suprising, seeing as Im quite happy.
I just have brand new on and I really had an urge to write that.
I havent updated this journal since my eventful stay in Charles De Gaulle airport, on the 15cents for 5minutes internet machine.
Im back.
Not for long I hope, I cant be bothered learning to drive, Id rather travel.
I dont want to be permanent here, so.
I lost interest in updating this journal, its only another whiny entry on your friends page. Its only another LJ account you scan when youre bored of myspace, quizzes and gossip.
But anyway, for those that do read, I felt I should update.
I fell back in love again, but only slightly, and with a very different feeling that came with it.
Im happy.
Im friends with who I want to be friends with.
Im not stressing about college this year, if they want the work, they can pester me for it.
Im sick of being a workaholic and not getting extra credit so.
Subway is the same, 11 hrs sat, 9hrs sun, £400 month towards savings.
Im going away this year, I want £100 for paris, Ill budget.
I want to go back to Florida in Spring.
I want to go back to America in Summer. I want to visit Linda from the AVL flight, and Bethany from the Paris flight, I want to see these people, and their lives. I felt like I knew them so well on the plane.
My private journal is stealing my attention.
Apologies. My priorities are sorted at least.
Love. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2007|02:52 pm] |
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im stuck in paris.i missed my flight. |
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| 2006 |
[Jan. 1st, 2007|12:43 pm] |
I got sad. I talked on the phone. I cleaned up dog shit. I watched the Wisconsin and Georgia basketball game. I wished myself happy new year. I slept in a wet bed with a bath robe for a quilt.
Happy 2007 kids. xo |
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| oh oh oh. |
[Dec. 23rd, 2006|06:46 pm] |
So last night it was my 18th birthday party.
Technically It shouldnt be till next Friday, but I wont be here.
It was one of the best nights in my life :) Being with my real friends was all that mattered.
Sure, alot of them sold me out, but I'm past caring.
Sack 'em innit.
We went to the chinese buffet, then to baabar and vanilla, Beff got ID'd which was dead shit cause I do love Beff and I wanted her to comeee.
A few girls came onto me but because Im weird I avoided it like hell.
GR!
I cant wait for next year, I hope I change a tiny bit in that sense.
I cant even be bothered updating, my arm kills and thats about it.
Merry Christmas. |
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| oh, it is love. |
[Dec. 19th, 2006|09:36 am] |
I have no motivation to write this evaluation at all, I really don't.
I'm going to have to force myself.
I'll be gone in a few days, how ace would it be if I lost my return ticket?
I hope I fall in love with a Taco Bell employee who wants to give me some bell every day.
Heaven.
hahaha.
Its nearly christmasss!
Merry christmas everyone :D
x
p.s
Im sat next to SHIVVONEH, shes an actual legend, serious. Its nearly her birthday. Yeah she was born on christmas day haha.
she just said "I believe in mary and jesus christ"
what the fuck hahaha. |
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| I fall in love too easily, this leading to alot of money spent on an airline ticket and me flying... |
[Dec. 17th, 2006|09:08 pm] |
thousands of miles across the world to see two girls who are two of my now, best friends.
One of them has been part of my life, a surreal part of my life that I dont even remember all that well.
It comes back every now and again, when I watch a film, when I breathe, when I hear an american accent on a film, when I empty my old satchels and find notes she wrote, when I think of summer.
Im glad the memory of it all is so vague, Id rather it stay that way.
Sometimes it really is too much to take in.
They were the best days of my life, and have changed me in a way no other thing has.
Im really excited, today was my last day at Subgay the Lowry 2006.
The girl who does props for the stupid pantomime in the food court was really cute, she's been here for a few weeks with those lame actors.
She has a weird accent and eats weird food. I gave her free drinks for no reason.
I picked a name out of the hat for secret santa! I got Lisa, who doesnt even work with me, she floats from store to store, I like her but shes a bitch.
She made me weigh out like 150 odd trays of chicken today and they had to be exactly 85g! Such a harsh punishment eh.
Im getting my last bits of college work done tomorrow night, hopefully seeing smit on tues or tomorrow. Wednesday at 1pm Im booked in for my first 2 hours of the half sleeve! Pretty excited :) seeing as this inks going to stay with me till I rot. Nice.
Wednesday night needs to comment ;]
Im staying in bed all thursday with Steph, cause we always have to wake up at 7.30 after a proper late night, so were going to stay in and wear our vanilla hoodies.
Thursday night, sleepover with chris and vicci.
Fridayy is birthday day! Im getting my spray tan done at 5, because Im such a self obsessed twat who wants to look tanned in December. Cool arent I?
Birthday Buffet at 7, Baabar at 8, vanilla 11 onwards.
BUZZZZINNNN.
The rest goes on.
My hand hurts and my hair smells of sandwiches.
:] |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 12th, 2006|08:57 pm] |
Swoon, Another Blood Rush
Ive been here before.
Far too many times before, she calls, and I return.
Shes the piece of gossip, my ears are dying to hear.
If I could shut it out I would, but these hands just wont block out the sound.
I'm always giving in.
That calm breeze on summers hottest day, just that faint breeze that cools your neck for just a split second, then its gone before it even feels real.
The reputation I dont have.
Shes the backbone that I lack, the guts that I dont have.
Everything I want, everything I'm not.
Letting go wont happen tonight.
If my tongue could push "goodbye" past my teeth then Id get up and go right now.
But the only words falling out of this mouth tonight are pillow talk and drunken slurrs.
The only words my ears are going to hear are empty "I love you"'s and sweet nothings.
If I could just turn around and not crash into your eyes, I'd walk away now.
But its never the case. Oh, its never the case.
So Without choice
Ill walk back into your room,
Ill fall apart and wait for you to pick me back up, and we'll start all over again. |
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| mspc |
[Dec. 12th, 2006|06:31 pm] |
Xcomment!X
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| ROUGH. |
[Dec. 11th, 2006|10:52 am] |
I feel so rough this morning. I sleep too much, I lacked sleep in summer, now Im having at least 9 or 10hours a night.
And I complain when people wake me up! Whats going on?!
I dont have terrible skin but once every so often Ill get a really noticable spot, fair enough its growing up. BUT WHYY! haha.
They ruin waking up, to see youve got some bright red spot on your face. GR.
I sound like a self obsessed teenage girl who shops at Urban Outfitters, and life has just been ruined by a spot.
WELL.
I dont wear make up cause frankly its stupid.
Im going to have a long shower, I need to do something about this spot, and I needto order a new cashcard, it snapped.
Thats it.
Its nearly next year, weird. |
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| does it really matter? |
[Dec. 10th, 2006|08:35 pm] |
Today for the first time I witnessed racism. Full on.
Quite a few times to be honest, and I was part of it.
Theres been some new staff at work, 2 black girls from zimbabwe or somewhere like that. 1 South African Lad, and one polish lad.
The south African lad got sacked, he was new, and like me when I was new, couldnt do a fucking thing right.
Did everything wrong, looked like an idiot and for stuck up pricks who shop at the Lowry to laugh at and look down on.
When something fucks up or something goes wrong its so easy to just roll your eyes and give them a dirty, and the customers will just laugh and smirk, because were laughing at the foreign kid, the foreign kid who cant make a fucking sandwich.
But when I was a new starter and I fucked up, theyd giggle and Id go "oh Im sorry, Im new!" and Theyd smile and let it slide.
But when one of the new starters tries to apologise in their badly broken english, the customer looks at them like theyre scum.
Yesterday, Me and Emma were the first in and we were just talking for ages and going on, when one of the new girls Thandi came in. Soon after her friend Aziza came in, theyre both from the same country and it came out today that theyre both very close friends, they probably live with each other. We dont employ people in twos or threes, its not how it works.
Anyway, they started talking in their own language, and fair enough, theyre not from England, they might need to attempt to translate some stuff for each other, but when theyre stood at the sink for nearly an hour doing fuck all, just chatting to each other in whatever language it is they speak, I started to get a bit annoyed!
Emma shouted "English please girls!" and rather than say "OK" and discreetly carry on, they carried on and Thandi started to get a bit mouthy.
She said Aziza couldnt understand her, well why the fuck start a job when you cant speak the countrys language? Then she came out with " we do know englihs, weve known it almost all our lives and been taught it at school"
They were talking in their own language to translate whatever it was one another couldnt understand.
Hm, I let it slide, but found it so fucking rude.
If I moved to france Id make the effort and speak french, I wanna live there, Ill speak their language.
ANYWAY!
So today I felt a bit bad because Thandi got spoken to by one of the managers because of it, and apparently got quite upset.
Guilt tripppp.
On the line at lunchtime she kept getting things wrong and Id just roll my eyes or step in and go "Sorry Love, Ill sort it" in a thick as fuck mancunian accent, just to reassure the customer I wasnt foreign and I wasnt scum.
I felt so annoyed.
So many customers are rude and are racist towards the staff, discrimated and spat on because of where they were born or what colour their skin is.
When Kyle was here and he made a sandwich for a woman, she said "Arent you going to butter that?"
He said "no, sorry love, we dont butter our sandwiches"
She spat back with " Well in OUR COUNTRY, we butter our sandwiches"
Kyles half cast, what a rude slag.
And when Zaz (Malaysian)would ask what drinks the customers wanted theyd laugh because her english is broken and keep saying "what? what? I cant hear you!"
Comments like that are open and in your face racism.
But its the dismissal of foreign staff and the sneaky racism that go on un noticed.
They come here to work, to live, have a better way of life.
We offer them a job with a very decent fucking wage, they work harder than us (english) because they know what its really like to live in shit, poverty, war torn areas, and get paid peanuts for heavy work.
here they are getting £5.35 an hour, guaranteed 8 hour a day shifts with overtime. Its their chance and theyre grabbing it.
But sly looks, and "blame it on the new kid, oh who happens to be black, polish or whateverish" are taking it back from them.
They work like dogs and get treated like dogs.
I over reacted yesterday with the whole "them talking in theyre own language" thing.
I felt bad today, because it was my fault and I give the looks and roll the eyes.
I made it up today but still.
New staff, a BNP supporter from Salford.
Oh the irony.
XO |
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| the look on your face gives all your secrets away |
[Dec. 8th, 2006|11:51 am] |
Last night made me want to not leave Manchester for a long time.
There is actually a scene being built, its amazing. Its small, only a few kids who come down to these shows, rain or shine.
Cheap entry fees and X'd up hands. Singalongs and dancing.
Its great! I sold merch for mishap, only 20 people or so were there, sold about 5 cds, gave some out.
its ace theyre making a name for themselves. No Turning Back played Negative Approach_Ready To Fight.
I cant believe no one knew what it was! Smit got me into it but still.
Im still Xd up and my hair smells like chris greens when hes not washed it for ages.
cold handss.
xo |
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| these friends are, new friends are golden. |
[Dec. 4th, 2006|11:30 am] |
So Ive adjusted to this new lifestyle.
I've made my bed, and sure I can sleep in it.
But I'm starting to think whether its going to ruin me in the long run.
Not the fact I've come out, or the fact I stand for being drug free till I fall and die.
The fact I'm becoming really lazy! It sounds really daft, I know. But really, I go to college Monday-Friday, but every weeknight, and weekend night for that matter, I just laze around.
I go out on a Wednesday, which is good, I see Steph and we just have a laugh.
But the rest of the nights I sit online, put off college work, therefore Im behind in Media and English. I sort out my itunes religiously, and I spend my money on cds and drinks.
I think before I hit my birthday I should take action against the fall of me!
I dont want to be a lazy internet goon, who sits there for 6/7 hours a night doing nothing.
I'll start today, I'll film the final scene of my short film. I'll call Jon and ask him if he wants to go swimming with me.
Being more active is a definate start.
Thats it really, another two factors here are the fact Im dropping friends, and my love life is non existent, unless your counting wishful thinking?
If Im being honest I talk to Chris, Jon, Steph , Caroline and Jasmine, and thats pretty much it.
I'll talk to Vicci and Siobhan but that is on an occasion or in college.
I've started talking to Danny Lade quite a bit but its nothing solid yet. I like having a close circle of friends.
I'm sick of making effort with forced conversation, or conversation thats under 3 lines long.
I make the effort but the effort is never returned. So I give up.
:]
LOVE LIFE. Its not really alive so I dont know why its called love LIFE, but hey!
Me and Caroline are just friends now, and thats all it will ever be. Im really happy on that front because its ace to just talk to her like a friend without getting really depressed over what she did, I did etc etc.
There are girls here there and everywhere who I talk to, and sure I flirt with them because thats just who I am, sometimes I dig myself into a really big fucking hole, but I always get out again.
I think my nature is just friendly and it comes across as flirting.
Who knows, who cares?
My only partner right now is my mind, and its constant wishful thinking.
I dont want anyone to be honest. But seriously, I'm starting to think I could be in love.
haha, Im like the boy who cried wolf. But,
The girl who cried "LOVE".
The girl from college was pure attraction, I think shes really fit. She is, but cause Id get nervous around her I thought it was love.
Love makes your chest and head hurt.
Attractions just tongue tied words with stuttered sentences, oh and the odd burst of butterflies in your stomach.
DJDJDJDJDJDJDJDDJDJDJDJDJ.
I shouldnt be into her! She has a girlfriend, shes just wow, and erm. WOW X 10?
Shes so cute, all we have is eye contact and awkward conversation about bands.
I love it.
I guess this is as good as it gets. |
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